How to Prepare Your Child for a Portrait Session: Do Less, Not More

Parents are always a little surprised by the advice I give before a portrait session. After years of photographing children, I've learned

something that sounds completely backwards:

The less you do to prepare your child, the better the session usually goes.

Most parents expect a long checklist.

Mine looks like this:

• Sleep.

• Breakfast.

• Everything.

• Relax.

• Trust me.

That's it. It really is that simple.

The Biggest Mistake Parents Make

Parents naturally want everything to go perfectly. So on the drive to the studio, they start preparing their child.

"Smile big today."

"Remember to be good."

"You'd better listen."

Every one of those comments comes from a good place. But they also do something unintended. They create pressure. Suddenly your child realizes this must be something important. Instead of looking forward to a fun

experience, they're wondering whether they're going to do it "right." I'd much rather they walk into the studio thinking they're simply meeting someone new. That's when personalities begin to shine.

Kids Are Emotional Sponges

Children don't just hear your words. They absorb your mood. If Mom is stressed because she's running late...

they know. If Dad is frustrated because someone forgot the shoes... they know. If everyone's laughing in the car...they know that too.

Kids are emotional sponges. In fact, they can usually detect a stressed-out parent from about three blocks away. The calmer you are, the calmer they tend to be. That doesn't mean your morning has to be perfect. It simply means your child doesn't need to know you're worried about making it perfect.

Before You Leave the House

Ironically, the biggest hiccup usually isn't the child at all. It's the forgotten outfit.

Or the shoes.

Or the hair bow.

Or the necklace Grandma insisted on.

Before you back out of the driveway, take one last look around. That two-minute check will save you far more stress than any pep talk you'll ever give your child.

You're Not Being Judged

This is something I wish every parent understood. When your child hides behind your leg... I don't assume you're a bad parent. When they refuse to smile...I don't think you've failed. When they're shy...I don't panic.

I've photographed thousands of children. I've seen tears. I've seen stubborn streaks. I've seen kids who refused to get out of the car. I've seen little ones who wouldn't say a single word for the first fifteen minutes. Heck, I've seen these things with MY OWN kids. It's all completely normal.

Every child is different. Some are outgoing. Some are cautious. Some warm up in thirty seconds. Some need twenty minutes. None of those personalities are better than the others. They're simply different.

My job isn't to change who your child is. My job is to create portraits that celebrate exactly who they already are. That's one of the things I love most about photographing children.

Every Child Warms Up Differently

Some kids walk in talking before I've even introduced myself. Others quietly watch everything from behind Mom. Neither one worries me. Building trust isn't something I rush. Sometimes we start by talking about dinosaurs. Sometimes it's soccer. Sometimes they show me the coolest thing they found in their backyard that morning. Sometimes we just sit and chat for a few minutes while Mom and I chat.

The funny thing is that parents often apologize for the very personality traits they're hoping I'll capture.

"I'm sorry she's so quiet."

"He's always this goofy."

"She's a little stubborn."

Those aren't problems.

That's who your child is. Years from now, those are often the very expressions you'll treasure most.

My goal isn't to make them smile.

It's to make them comfortable.

Those are two very different things. Once a child feels safe, the smiles usually take care of themselves.

A Story I'll Never Forget

I remember one little boy who spent the first several minutes hiding behind his mom. She kept apologizing.

"I don't know what's gotten into him."

"I promise he isn't usually like this."

She was convinced the session was falling apart. I wasn't worried.

We spent the next few minutes debating whether a Tyrannosaurus Rex could beat a Triceratops.

(Obviously the T-Rex, right?)

Before long he was roaring across the studio and making me laugh. Some of my favorite portraits from that session happened after Mom finally stopped worrying. Sometimes kids just need a little time. And that's perfectly okay.

Trust Your Photographer

This may be the hardest advice in this entire article. Once the session begins...let go.

I know you want to help. Every parent does. But imagine trying to have a conversation while someone standing behind you keeps interrupting. That's exactly what it feels like for a child. During the session, I'm paying attention to a hundred little things you're probably not noticing.

Body language. Eye contact. Confidence. Curiosity. The exact moment your child forgets there's a camera in the room.

That's why I need their attention. I'm asking, "Can you look over here?" while Mom is saying, "Look over here."

"Smile." "Stand up straight."

Now your child has two adults giving directions. Guess who's going to win? Mom.

I've had sessions in my studio where simply asking a parent to step out of the child's view for a few

minutes completely changed everything. The child relaxed. We connected. The real expressions appeared. Sometimes the very best way to help is simply to trust the process.

My Entire Checklist

Remember that short checklist I promised at the beginning?

Here it is one more time.

• Sleep.

• Breakfast.

• Everything.

• Relax.

• Trust me.

That's what thirty years of photographing children has taught me. You don't need to prepare your child to perform. You simply need to give them the freedom to be themselves. Everything else is my job.

‍

Thinking About Scheduling a Portrait Session?

If you've been putting off family portraits because you were worried your child wouldn't cooperate, I hope this article has put your mind at ease. If not with me, then with someone else- just get it done!

One of the greatest compliments I receive is when parents tell me, "That was so much easier than we expected."

That's always my goal. That and making moms cry when they see the finished portraits. :)
‍

Got more questions? Let's talk!

‍

or

‍
Check out my work HERE

‍

‍