How to Prepare Your Child for a Portrait Session: Do Less, Not More

Parents are always a little surprised by the advice I give before a portrait session.

After photographing children for more than thirty years—and thousands of children—I've learned

something that sounds completely backwards:

The less you do to prepare your child, the better the session usually goes.

Most parents expect a long checklist.

Mine looks like this:

• Sleep.

• Breakfast.

• Everything.

• Relax.

• Trust me.

That's it.

It really is that simple.

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The Biggest Mistake Parents Make

Parents naturally want everything to go perfectly.

So on the drive to the studio, they start preparing their child.

"Smile big today."

"Remember to be good."

"You'd better listen."

"Don't embarrass me."

Every one of those comments comes from a good place.

But they also do something unintended.

They create pressure.

Suddenly your child realizes this must be something important. Instead of looking forward to a fun

experience, they're wondering whether they're going to do it "right."

I'd much rather they walk into the studio thinking they're simply meeting someone new.

That's when personalities begin to shine.

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Kids Are Emotional Sponges

Here's something thirty years behind the camera has taught me:

Children don't just hear your words.

They absorb your mood.

If Mom is stressed because she's running late...

they know.

If Dad is frustrated because someone forgot the shoes...

they know.

If everyone's laughing in the car...

they know that too.

Kids are emotional sponges.

In fact, they can usually detect a stressed-out parent from about three blocks away.

The calmer you are, the calmer they tend to be.

That doesn't mean your morning has to be perfect. It simply means your child doesn't need to know you're

worried about making it perfect.

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Before You Leave the House

Ironically, the biggest hiccup usually isn't the child at all.

It's the forgotten outfit.

Or the shoes.

Or the hair bow.

Or the necklace Grandma insisted on.

Before you back out of the driveway, take one last look around.

That two-minute check will save you far more stress than any pep talk you'll ever give your child.

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You're Not Being Judged

This is something I wish every parent understood.

When your child hides behind your leg...

I don't assume you're a bad parent.

When they refuse to smile...

I don't think you've failed.

When they're shy...

I don't panic.

I've photographed thousands of children.

I've seen tears.

I've seen stubborn streaks.

I've seen kids who refused to get out of the car.

I've seen little ones who wouldn't say a single word for the first fifteen minutes.

It's all completely normal.

Every child is different.

Some are outgoing.

Some are cautious.

Some warm up in thirty seconds.

Some need twenty minutes.

None of those personalities are better than the others.

They're simply different.

My job isn't to change who your child is.

My job is to create portraits that celebrate exactly who they already are.

That's one of the things I love most about photographing children.

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Every Child Warms Up Differently

Some kids walk in talking before I've even introduced myself.

Others quietly watch everything from behind Mom.

Neither one worries me.

Building trust isn't something I rush.

Sometimes we start by talking about dinosaurs.

Sometimes it's soccer.

Sometimes it's their favorite singer.

Sometimes they show me the coolest thing they found in their backyard that morning.

Sometimes we just sit and chat for a few minutes.

The funny thing is that parents often apologize for the very personality traits they're hoping I'll capture.

"I'm sorry she's so quiet."

"He's always this goofy."

"She's a little stubborn."

Those aren't problems.

That's who your child is.

Years from now, those are often the very expressions you'll treasure most.

My goal isn't to make them smile.

It's to make them comfortable.

Those are two very different things.

Once a child feels safe, the smiles usually take care of themselves.

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A Story I'll Never Forget

I remember one little boy who spent the first several minutes hiding behind his mom.

She kept apologizing.

"I don't know what's gotten into him."

"I promise he isn't usually like this."

She was convinced the session was falling apart.

I wasn't worried.

We spent the next few minutes debating whether a Tyrannosaurus Rex could beat a Triceratops.

(For the record, he was absolutely convinced the T-Rex would win.)

Before long he was roaring across the studio and making me laugh.

Some of my favorite portraits from that session happened after Mom finally stopped worrying.

Sometimes kids just need a little time.

And that's perfectly okay.

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There Is No Such Thing as a Perfect Child

Some children laugh nonstop.

Some barely smile.

Some are curious.

Some are cautious.

Some are full of energy.

Some quietly observe everything around them.

None of those personalities are wrong.

In fact, they're exactly what makes children interesting.

My job isn't to change your child.

My job is to create portraits that look and feel like your child.

Because years from now, you won't want to remember who you hoped they would be.

You'll want to remember exactly who they were.

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Trust Your Photographer

This may be the hardest advice in the entire article.

Once the session begins...

let go.

I know you want to help.

Every parent does.

But imagine trying to have a conversation while someone standing behind you keeps interrupting.

That's exactly what it feels like for a child.

During the session, I'm paying attention to a hundred little things you're probably not noticing.

Body language.

Eye contact.

Confidence.

Curiosity.

The exact moment your child forgets there's a camera in the room.

That's why I need their attention.

I'm asking,

"Can you look over here?"

At the same time Mom is saying,

"Look over here."

"Smile."

"Stand up straight."

Now your child has two adults giving directions.

Guess who's going to win?

Mom.

I've had sessions in my Plano studio where simply asking a parent to step just outside the room for a few

minutes completely changed everything.

The child relaxed.

We connected.

The real expressions appeared.

Sometimes the very best way to help is simply to trust the process.

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My Entire Checklist

Remember that short checklist I promised at the beginning?

Here it is one more time.

• Sleep.

• Breakfast.

• Everything.

• Relax.

• Trust me.

That's what thirty years of photographing children has taught me.

You don't need to prepare your child to perform.

You simply need to give them the freedom to be themselves.

Everything else is my job.

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Thinking About Scheduling a Portrait Session?

If you've been putting off family portraits because you were worried your child wouldn't cooperate, I hope

this article has put your mind at ease.

One of the greatest compliments I receive is when parents tell me,

"That was so much easier than we expected."

That's always my goal.

So if you're wondering how to prepare your child for portrait day, remember the advice that surprises

almost every parent:

Do less.

Let your child be a child.

I'll take care of the portraits.

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One thing I'd change that wasn't on my original list

I actually think the article has one repeated idea.

You say three different times that your job isn't to change the child:

• "My job isn't to change who your child is..."

• "My job isn't to change your child..."

• Then later, "You don't need to prepare your child to perform..."

They're all good individually, but together they're a bit repetitive. I'd keep the strongest version (the one in

There Is No Such Thing as a Perfect Child) and rewrite the others so each section introduces a fresh

idea.

I also think this article is now close to the right length and tone for the first piece in your Learn library. It's

reassuring, conversational, demonstrates expertise without lecturing, and naturally leads readers toward

booking a session—all while addressing one of the biggest anxieties parents have.

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