My Husband Doesn't Want Family Pictures. Now What?

If you've found this article, there's a good chance you're trying to solve a very specific problem: you'd love to update your family portraits, and your husband... not so much.

If he's anything like most dads I've met over the years, he'd rather spend his Saturday watching football, grilling something that probably didn't need to be grilled, or reorganizing the garage for the third time than shopping for coordinating outfits. Sound familiar?

If so, let me reassure you: you're not alone. Over the years, I've heard countless moms apologize before a portrait session even begins. "I'm so sorry, my husband really doesn't want to be here." I hear the same thing about kids, too: "My son isn't going to cooperate." "My daughter is in one of those moods."

The funny thing is, those apologies are almost never necessary.

It's Usually Not About the Portrait

I don't think most dads are against having family portraits. They're against everything they imagine comes before the portrait - the clothes shopping, trying on outfits, rushing everyone out the door, getting the kids dressed without somebody spilling juice on the "good shirt," giving up one of the few weekends when nothing was on the calendar.

Honestly? I can relate. I've raised two boys myself, and while I was never opposed to having family portraits made, I definitely didn't look forward to all the preparation that went into them. There were plenty of Saturdays when relaxing on the couch sounded a whole lot better than coordinating outfits and getting everyone out the door on time. I get it.

The Most Stressful Part Usually Ends in the Driveway

Here's something I've noticed after photographing families for many years: the most stressful part of the day usually isn't the portrait session. It's getting everyone there.

By the time families arrive at the studio, most of that stress has already passed. The kids settle in. Dad realizes this isn't going to be nearly as painful as he imagined. Mom finally gets to exhale because everyone actually made it. Before long, we're laughing, talking, and creating portraits together.

In fact, dads often surprise me. Unlike many moms, they usually aren't worried about how they look - they're not analyzing every hair or second-guessing their shirt. Once they're comfortable, they tend to relax and simply enjoy being with their family.

You Don't Need Everything to Go Perfectly

One thing I wish every mom knew: you don't need everything to go perfectly to end up with an amazing portrait. Really. I can't tell you how many times a mom has apologized in advance, certain her husband - or her kids - were about to make the session impossible. Then everything went just fine.

The biggest part of success is simply showing up. The rest is what you hired your photographer to handle.

It's Not Always Dad

To be fair, I've also photographed plenty of families where the roles were reversed - Dad was excited, and Mom wasn't ready. Maybe she wanted to lose a little weight first. Maybe she didn't feel her best. Maybe she just wasn't looking forward to being in front of the camera. That's perfectly understandable, too.

The point isn't that dads are the problem. The point is that every family has someone who needs a little extra convincing.

Don't Let One Person Stop the Story

If one parent truly isn't ready, don't let that stop you from documenting your family. Photograph the kids. Create portraits of Mom with the children. Maybe those portraits eventually become a Father's Day gift, or maybe they simply become priceless memories of childhood. Either way, you've preserved something that can never be recreated - and next year, this year's reluctant parent might be the one asking why you waited.

Looking Back

I don't regret a single family portrait we made while my boys were growing up. Not one. Looking back, I don't remember the clothes shopping, the rushing out the door, or the afternoon we gave up. I remember the portraits.

Sometimes being a dad means putting the team ahead of yourself. If you're a sports fan, you already know that feeling - every successful team has moments when someone gives up a little for something much bigger. Family portraits are one of those moments.

So the next time your husband groans about giving up a Saturday, tell him this: nobody in the history of family photography has ever regretted showing up. Plenty of people have regretted not showing up. That's really all the convincing he needs.

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